The Villain

It is said that we can be our worst enemy, and in many cases this can be true. In December of 2010 I was living in Dorchester, working as a bus boy full time and going to school full time. Money was low at the time because tips at the restaurant weren't major and hours were scarce. Classes were getting harder and assignments went undone. When I finished the semester my GPA was a disappointing 2.53 it drove me crazy and on top of that I was paying rent and bills later in the month.

I'm a prideful dude and hated asking my parents for help. I felt that I was too old for that and it was time for me to be responsible for myself. But, I know myself well enough to know that when stressful situations come up my tendency is to fold to the situation and give up, but I decided to do what I knew best. Lets just say before I became a disciple I made most of my money doing what dudes in my hood were doing (you make the connection), I became a product of my environment. Making money fast and in the way that is detestable to the law. I thought to myself, I can make an easy come up until I got back on my feet, I honestly felt like nothing was wrong with that.

Thats when things got even more difficult, I did more damage to myself and the people that I love. Not only that, I wasn't being a billboard for Jesus especially to the people I wanted to reach out to the most. I wrote this poem after coming back to my senses, with the help of some very important people.

The Villain

Where do I get my inspiration? from the ones who never fake it
I made it out the jungle not adapting to the hatred
its harder then it seems, cause we all strive to be the greatest
I see cages wherever I go, like I'm entrapped in the matrix
What is this reality? The world to me is lovely
My sinful nature feeds off the henny, weed and the money
walking tall and mighty, like theres nothing that's above me
But foolish are my ways, life isn't joking, there's nothing funny
My judgement is impaired, I never made the right decisions
I'm weaker then I seem and my motives lack precision
destruction is in my future when I sleep I saw a vision
I can't seem to find a direction. What could possibly be missing?
My mind is twisted, while I wave to the crowd they're blowing kisses
I'm looking for some praise, because my pride has made me vicious
I'm always crossing the line and I'm aware of what I'm doing
I said I was walking the narrow road, then later saw I wasn't moving

Rafa

A Peace Of Light

It's sad to say that I grew up in a dysfunctional home, my parents would kill me if they knew I said that. But the truth is we just a lack of communication and if we were conversing it was more like an argument, pointing fingers, insulting one another, etc.. That was my definition of what a family was like until I experienced how my friends families were like. Some of them grew up with single moms or dads, parents were divorced or in the process.

It took me until I became a christian to realize how blessed I really was. My parents are still together after twenty something years (I can't remember how long)  and they bend over backwards for me and my older sisters. They did everything they could to raise us right, encouraged us to go to college and funded our education with their hard work. But we were rebellious anyways we took it all for granted and still do at times. 

When I wrote this poem a year ago, I was alone in my apartment reading a Psalm 34 and as usual after I read something in the bible I sit a think for a while trying to make the connection.  At the time my parents were going through a rough time and I began to lose faith that they will ever change. Psalm 34 brought me out of that faithlessness and helped me remember that God rescued me and that he is able to do the same for my family.  

A Peace Of Light 

Early on I think we tried to be a family

something wasn't right, we'd always argue with profanity

when nothing changed that drove you to insanity 

one of us ran off, but they really couldn't handle me

they are not to blame I take credit for my shame

I would escape with a dub of some Cush to the brain 

so that could mean... that I'm the same 

selfish, what I built was exposed by the flames

I'm enticed and I entertain that emotion

I am weak, I like to lose my mind on the potion 

set my feet, but I'm being lifted by the notion 

disappear, then they start to question my devotion 

Who am I to get hype and be upset like a fool 

I escaped the lavish life of sipping whiskey by the pool 

AND I have the nerve to say that life is cruel 

I got a roof, plenty food, and I'm registered in school 

God Bless

Rafa

http://vimeo.com/m/33835919

Coming from where I'm from

South Side Providence made me....

Where do I begin? I have so many stories that I can tell from growing up in South Side, from running around causing trouble on Congress Ave. to the bodega life at my dads corner store on Broad.  My experiences are better told through what I enjoy doing the most, writing poetry. I'd like to bring the readers into my world, walk in my shoes and visualize the things that I've seen. I will most certainly keep things kosher so that means no explicit content.

Every poem I post will have an explanation of what was going through my mind. I have a feeling that will be intrigued, hope you all enjoy.

Rafa