I'm coming home

Before I started studying the bible and then eventually making the decision to make Jesus the Lord of my life, I had one of the most challenging times I had ever experienced. Gaining my families trust again and trying to convince them that I really did want to change was difficult to the most extreme. They had no faith in me, and I didn't either, I didn't know where to begin. 

This next poem paints the picture

Note his expression, monotone and unaware 

try not to stare and don't observe like you really care

his blank stare is evident that he's not all there

He definitely isn't here, but deep down he's gasping for air

The diagnosis is a hard life aiming to swallow him 

the people he cared for the most weren't there to coddle him 

now bottled in nothing you say can help you win 

him over with nourishment the damage done is permanent 

you say "God knows what will help him!" with a frustrated tone

but he took it to heart and prayed that he wouldn't feel alone

God was in heaven waiting to hear his voice as he was seated on his throne

and replied "Son don't you fret, I will show you the way home" 

Rafa

Losing Sleep

I was a very independent young teen growing up. It helped develop strong discipline in being places on time, like making it to a doctors appointment, baseball practices and games and getting to school on my own (different story, I was never on time)... Anyways! Being independent also meant that my parents put a lot of trust in me, they learned their mistake quickly, but never did anything about it. 

My mom had a regular job so she was around to drop me off places I couldn't get to on my own, but she'd have to leave me there and go help my dad at the bodega, that was more of a life commitment then a job. I didn't see my dad much, only at night before I was going to bed. Our conversations were short and we only really talked about the Yankees. It wasn't until I moved to Boston that our relationship and conversations matured, we still talked about the Yankees but he also shared his wisdom on how to be man on integrity and many other strengths that he's learned through life.

When I wrote this poem, I was reflecting on the times I hated my dad for not being around for the moments I really wanted to share with him and the moments that I acted out because he wasn't around. When I was out there living wild and never really showing up to the house, I never really knew my dad was so worried, probably because I had never seen that side of him. Every time we reflect on my rebellious days he tells me he would lose sleep not knowing what I was getting into. He had every reason to be worried, but now he's grateful I came to my senses.

Hide your smile little man, straighten up and fix your collar 

Be attentive with your mom, don't you dare disrespect your father

"Well, Papi wasn't there to see me hit that home run"

And daddy wasn't there when mama caught me with a gun

You shouldn't aim and fire, unless you want to be a coward 

Hiccup and lose your power, and life goes from sweet to sour

Papi never found out, but he made his way around 

Then my demons surfaced again and mommy caught me with a pound

Never strive to be complacent, ALWAYS! ALWAYS! do your best

Give us a call, or at least say goodnight so we can finally get some rest

Rafa

The Villain

It is said that we can be our worst enemy, and in many cases this can be true. In December of 2010 I was living in Dorchester, working as a bus boy full time and going to school full time. Money was low at the time because tips at the restaurant weren't major and hours were scarce. Classes were getting harder and assignments went undone. When I finished the semester my GPA was a disappointing 2.53 it drove me crazy and on top of that I was paying rent and bills later in the month.

I'm a prideful dude and hated asking my parents for help. I felt that I was too old for that and it was time for me to be responsible for myself. But, I know myself well enough to know that when stressful situations come up my tendency is to fold to the situation and give up, but I decided to do what I knew best. Lets just say before I became a disciple I made most of my money doing what dudes in my hood were doing (you make the connection), I became a product of my environment. Making money fast and in the way that is detestable to the law. I thought to myself, I can make an easy come up until I got back on my feet, I honestly felt like nothing was wrong with that.

Thats when things got even more difficult, I did more damage to myself and the people that I love. Not only that, I wasn't being a billboard for Jesus especially to the people I wanted to reach out to the most. I wrote this poem after coming back to my senses, with the help of some very important people.

The Villain

Where do I get my inspiration? from the ones who never fake it
I made it out the jungle not adapting to the hatred
its harder then it seems, cause we all strive to be the greatest
I see cages wherever I go, like I'm entrapped in the matrix
What is this reality? The world to me is lovely
My sinful nature feeds off the henny, weed and the money
walking tall and mighty, like theres nothing that's above me
But foolish are my ways, life isn't joking, there's nothing funny
My judgement is impaired, I never made the right decisions
I'm weaker then I seem and my motives lack precision
destruction is in my future when I sleep I saw a vision
I can't seem to find a direction. What could possibly be missing?
My mind is twisted, while I wave to the crowd they're blowing kisses
I'm looking for some praise, because my pride has made me vicious
I'm always crossing the line and I'm aware of what I'm doing
I said I was walking the narrow road, then later saw I wasn't moving

Rafa

A Peace Of Light

It's sad to say that I grew up in a dysfunctional home, my parents would kill me if they knew I said that. But the truth is we just a lack of communication and if we were conversing it was more like an argument, pointing fingers, insulting one another, etc.. That was my definition of what a family was like until I experienced how my friends families were like. Some of them grew up with single moms or dads, parents were divorced or in the process.

It took me until I became a christian to realize how blessed I really was. My parents are still together after twenty something years (I can't remember how long)  and they bend over backwards for me and my older sisters. They did everything they could to raise us right, encouraged us to go to college and funded our education with their hard work. But we were rebellious anyways we took it all for granted and still do at times. 

When I wrote this poem a year ago, I was alone in my apartment reading a Psalm 34 and as usual after I read something in the bible I sit a think for a while trying to make the connection.  At the time my parents were going through a rough time and I began to lose faith that they will ever change. Psalm 34 brought me out of that faithlessness and helped me remember that God rescued me and that he is able to do the same for my family.  

A Peace Of Light 

Early on I think we tried to be a family

something wasn't right, we'd always argue with profanity

when nothing changed that drove you to insanity 

one of us ran off, but they really couldn't handle me

they are not to blame I take credit for my shame

I would escape with a dub of some Cush to the brain 

so that could mean... that I'm the same 

selfish, what I built was exposed by the flames

I'm enticed and I entertain that emotion

I am weak, I like to lose my mind on the potion 

set my feet, but I'm being lifted by the notion 

disappear, then they start to question my devotion 

Who am I to get hype and be upset like a fool 

I escaped the lavish life of sipping whiskey by the pool 

AND I have the nerve to say that life is cruel 

I got a roof, plenty food, and I'm registered in school 

God Bless

Rafa

http://vimeo.com/m/33835919

Coming from where I'm from

South Side Providence made me....

Where do I begin? I have so many stories that I can tell from growing up in South Side, from running around causing trouble on Congress Ave. to the bodega life at my dads corner store on Broad.  My experiences are better told through what I enjoy doing the most, writing poetry. I'd like to bring the readers into my world, walk in my shoes and visualize the things that I've seen. I will most certainly keep things kosher so that means no explicit content.

Every poem I post will have an explanation of what was going through my mind. I have a feeling that will be intrigued, hope you all enjoy.

Rafa